“Today, my brother found 100 bucks in his coat pocket. He was so happy he bought 2 new games for his x-box. He was borrowing my coat. FML”
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“Today, a very good platonic friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said ‘Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!’ When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said ‘You’ve made me the happiest man alive’ as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML”

(via papertissue)

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“Today, all of my coworkers and myself were taking a lie detector test at my job of 12 years. When they had asked if I have ever stolen anything from the office, I said yes. I was then fired for stealing $9,000 worth of computers and laptops. I was admitting taking the occasional pen or two. FML”

(via papertissue)

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“Today, I punched my wife in the face, because she jumped out from behind the bedroom door in the dark. I’m afraid of the dark. I’m 21. FML”

(via papertissue)

I never comment on my reblogged FMLs, but I don’t know what’s weirder, the fact that he’s 21 or the fact that he’s MARRIED. WTH.

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“Today, my boyfriend who likes to get high was driving me insisting he wasn’t currently high. A family of deer was standing on the side of the road and he pulled over by them waited until they walked closer to us and said, ‘what seems to be the problem officers?’ He wasn’t kidding. FML”

(via papertissue)

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“Today, I was getting mugged. In shock, I said, “Are you mugging me?!” To which the mugger responded, “Duh, do you think I grabbed you for your looks?” FML”

(via papertissue)

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“Today, I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman,”Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. FML”

(via papertissue)

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Themed by: Hunson