Today was the first Thanksgiving I have spent away from home, ever. It is one of my favorite holidays because it’s a chance for families to reunite, reconnect, and of course, EAT. At home, I’d usually sleep in, exhausted from fall papers (and football games) while my dad and my brother got up excruciatingly early to prep their beloved turkey. Around 5 pm, my grandparents and extended family would come over and we’d fall into easy conversations and dig into the bountiful food. It’s a ritual I unknowingly took for granted.

I spent the holiday with my boss’s family, who were kind enough to invite me into their home for an all-American meal. I didn’t miss out on the turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and of course, pumpkin pie. Yum! They also invited people from their church, which made conversation casual and easy. They are a beautiful, tight-knit Christian family, one I aspire to imitate someday, and I am really grateful to have had a traditional Thanksgiving here in Shanghai.

I do miss my family, though. This holiday has left me with a stabbing, aching feeling in my heart. People told me upon coming to China that when I hit the six-month mark, I would experience a severe feeling of homesickness. They were right. I’ve been sent into a haphazard spiral of existentialism, unsure about whether I made the right decision in coming here, or whether I should be home in the States starting my career. I’m missing football games, birthday parties, reunions, holidays, etc. And to what end? That’s the question I’m really struggling to answer.

Reasons: I might never have the chance to be on my own, overseas, ever again. China is booming. There are more opportunities here for me than in the US. I can practice the language, learn the city, love the people. People doing business here are a different breed — they are tireless and fiercely independent. And therein lies my answer.

In retrospect, I hope I’ll look back on this time as one when I learned to be independent, to survive without my family and friends. What’s more, it will be the time when I truly learned to appreciate the time I get to spend with loved ones, as opposed to foolishly taking time spent together for granted. I would give anything to see my dad bring that turkey out of the kitchen in all its glory, to “ooh” and “ahh” it as we always do. Or to pick up my two cousins from the airport, who are flying in from Philadelphia to celebrate with my family. It’s their last Thanksgiving in the States. All the comforts of home are screaming out their virtues, but I’m trying my best to ignore them so I can learn to be comfortable in any situation.

I really don’t know where this expatriation journey is leading me, but today, I was reminded of how grateful I should be for the people who are back home waiting for me, ever ready to welcome me back into those comforting folds. Not everyone has the luxury of a tirelessly supportive family and encouraging friends, so I need to treat them as my rock-solid foundation, rather than an anchor to my past. I am thankful today for everything I have and the opportunities I’ve been afforded, and I’m thankful for the uncertainty of my future. For what it’s worth, it is an adventure that not everyone gets to have, and I am lucky.